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Elisha Cuthbert Photos Books: Martin Eden The Pickwick Papers The Sea Wolf |
The moment
he saw him eat, all doubt on the subject was removed, and he
perceived at once that if he purposed to take up his temporary
quarters where he was, he must make his footing good without
delay. He therefore commenced proceedings by putting his arm
over the half-door of the bar, coolly unbolting it, and leisurely
walking in.
Mother-in-law, said Sam, how are you?
Why, I do believe he is a Weller! said Mrs. W., raising her
eyes to Sams face, with no very gratified expression of countenance.
I rayther think he is, said the imperturbable Sam; and I hope
this here reverend genlmn ll excuse me saying that I wish I was
THE Weller as owns you, mother-in-law.
This was a double-barrelled compliment. It implied that Mrs.
Weller was a most agreeable female, and also that Mr. Stiggins
had a clerical appearance. It made a visible impression at once;
and Sam followed up his advantage by kissing his mother-in-law.
Get along with you! said Mrs. Weller, pushing him away.
For shame, young man! said the gentleman with the red nose.
No offence, sir, no offence, replied Sam; youre wery right,
though; it aint the right sort o thing, ven mothers-in-law is
young and good-looking, is it, Sir?
Its all vanity, said Mr. Stiggins.
Ah, so it is, said Mrs. Weller, setting her cap to rights.
Sam thought it was, too, but he held his peace.
The deputy-shepherd seemed by no means best pleased with
Sams arrival; and when the first effervescence of the compliment
had subsided, even Mrs. Weller looked as if she could have
spared him without the smallest inconvenience. However, there
he was; and as he couldnt be decently turned out, they all three
sat down to tea.
And hows father? said Sam.
At this inquiry, Mrs. Weller raised her hands, and turned up
her eyes, as if the subject were too painful to be alluded to.
Mr. Stiggins groaned.
Whats the matter with that ere genlmn? inquired Sam.
Hes shocked at the way your father goes on in, replied Mrs. Weller.
Oh, he is, is he? said Sam.
And with too good reason, added Mrs. Weller gravely.
Mr. Stiggins took up a fresh piece of toast, and groaned heavily.
He is a dreadful reprobate, said Mrs. Weller.
A man of wrath! exclaimed Mr. Stiggins. He took a large
semi-circular bite out of the toast, and groaned again.
Sam felt very strongly disposed to give the reverend Mr.
Stiggins something to groan for, but he repressed his inclination,
and merely asked, Whats the old un up to now?
Up to, indeed! said Mrs. Weller, Oh, he has a hard heart.
Night after night does this excellent man--dont frown,
Mr. Stiggins; I WILL say you ARE an excellent man--come and sit
here, for hours together, and it has not the least effect upon him.
Well, that is odd, said Sam; it ud have a wery considerable
effect upon me, if I wos in his place; I know that.
The fact is, my young friend, said Mr. Stiggins solemnly, he
has an obderrate bosom. Oh, my young friend, who else could
have resisted the pleading of sixteen of our fairest sisters, and
withstood their exhortations to subscribe to our noble society for
providing the infant negroes in the West Indies with flannel
waistcoats and moral pocket-handkerchiefs?
Whats a moral pocket-ankercher? said Sam; I never see one
o them articles o furniter.
Those which combine amusement With instruction, my young
friend, replied Mr. Stiggins, blending select tales with wood-cuts.
Oh, I know, said Sam; them as hangs up in the linen-drapers
shops, with beggars petitions and all that ere upon em?
Mr. Stiggins began a third round of toast, and nodded assent.
And he wouldnt be persuaded by the ladies, wouldnt he?
said Sam.
Sat and smoked his pipe, and said the infant negroes were--
what did he say the infant negroes were? said Mrs. Weller.
Little humbugs, replied Mr. Stiggins, deeply affected.
Said the infant negroes were little humbugs, repeated Mrs.
Weller. And they both groaned at the atrocious conduct of the
elder Mr. Weller.
A great many more iniquities of a similar nature might have
been disclosed, only the toast being all eaten, the tea having got
very weak, and Sam holding out no indications of meaning to
go, Mr. Stiggins suddenly recollected that he had a most pressing
appointment with the shepherd, and took himself off accordingly.
The tea-things had been scarcely put away, and the hearth
swept up, when the London coach deposited Mr. Weller, senior,
at the door; his legs deposited him in the bar; The Pickwick Papers page 177 The Pickwick Papers page 179 |